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* Due to a mixup in Urology, orange juice will not be served this morning.

* He who is still laughing hasn't yet heard the bad news.

* Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happines behind her.

* Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.

* If you survive death, you can probably survive anything.

* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out of it alive.

* To err is human. To forgive is unusual.

* The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.

* Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?

* Always take both skis off before hanging them up.

* I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.

* Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

* Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

* The shortest distance between two points is through hell.

* People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

* Life is uncertain, so eat dessert first.

* Give a skeptic an inch and he'll measure it.

* If you have to travel on the Titanic, why not go first class?

* Telepathy: Knowing what people think when really they don't think at all.

* A theory is better than its explanation.

* Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

* All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.

* Who cares about procreation, as long as it tickles?

* Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

* I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.

* Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.

* Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.

* Most people get lost in thought because it is unfamiliar territory.

* Technique: A trick that works.

* Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either.

* Puritan: Someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
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